Today is Robin and my 19th anniversary. We were married pretty young and waited a number of years before we had kids. If we’d known how much energy having kids would take, we wouldn’t have waited. And how much fun, of course, too but four boys can beat the old man up a good bit.
There are so many things that go into making marriage work. Like I shared Sunday, the secret from Ephesians 5:33 is for the wife to respect her husband and the husband to love his wife both in mutual selflessness. Easy to say, tougher to do. But that’s what the strength of God’s Spirit helps us with.
A couple of things have been very crucial for us in “keeping it together” for 19. One is simply forgiveness. Any time two people live in constant proximity to each other, there is conflict. Crud, I even argue with myself when I’m alone sometimes! And, because those closest to us are where we are most secure, we ironically give them less of our best than we do others. Now, that is another area to work on- to give our spouse the best of us rather than the other way around. (But that doesn’t mean we now have the right to be cranky everywhere else either).
But, we don’t always give our best. And we have to forgive. Tough, because have you noticed that the things that are most annoying (our faults) are repeated over and over. Well, that’s an area of struggle for me so, sure, I keep doing that obnoxiousness repeatedly. So, we have to “bear one with another” and forgive over and over and over and over…..
The best gift my father in law ever gave to me were the words he said to us the night I asked him if I could marry his daughter with his blessing. I say that, in part, because he offered to give us the money he would spend on the wedding if we would elope. He’s a Pastor also and didn’t want to have to deal with trying to get through doing his daughter’s ceremony. But he did great, and my Dad Pastor did it also and he had no problem with shipping me off. THAT money would have been a great gift. But Robin and her mom refused. Dang! But what he said still was better than any amount of money.
Anyway, he said- “You’re both welcome in our home. But Robin is not welcome alone if you’re having problems. Unless you’re beating her or something awful like that, you’ll have to work them out…you won’t be welcome here.”
Now, some of you saps are thinking how cruel. But, let me be blunt, you’re dead wrong! That was pure love. His deepest desire was for his daughter’s best and he knows, in part from seeing the tragedy of failed marriages in his line of work, that people often too easily escape their problems by running away from them.
That’s another survival tip: have no, and I mean ZERO, other options. This is it, nowhere else to turn, nobody else to go to, stand in the batter’s box and deal with the pitch that comes your way.
Life stinks and is a joy all mixed in. Marriage is a test for eternity. It’s one of the ways God makes us more like him. That’s only done when you just hang in and hang on to each other for all you’re worth.
If more dads and moms would be like my in laws, marriages would be so much stronger and stay together so much more often. Secure it in your mind and heart- there is no out, no other option, gotta work with this person and open up and work it out.
My Beautiful is the greatest. Our first date I went back to my college dorm and said to God, “I know you probably can’t get me that one, but if you can give me a gal to marry just like Robin I would be forever grateful.” Well, I am grateful and I guess God’s answer was “Sorry my child, I only made one of her.” Wow! God is a good Father.
Happy Anniversary Beautiful! Thank you for hanging with me for 19 years.
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